I have no idea what i am doing

I just want shells on Facebook so I can get more limited edition hatchling eggs!

I. Am. Terrified.

I need something to train for. I don't do well with this exercise to lose and be fit. I need to exercise to prove something bigger. So I am considering registering for an Oly Tri at Kiawah Island on September 21. That's just under 15 weeks away. I want to do this, but I am terrified I am going to fail miserably. Somebody tell me what to do for once!!!

Oh, and I wanted to toot my own horn

I was down 1.4 today at weigh in! YAY! That makes 35.6 lost and 21.8 to get to goal!

Another one from Winona

5 things in my refrigerator:
1. Salad, salad, and more salad
2. Eggs
3. Box of baking soda
4. Milk
5. Leftovers from the last week I need to throw out

5 things in my closet:
1. My wedding dress
2. About 6 different dresses in different sizes that I wore to different weddings
3. All my work clothes. What am I going to do with those?
4. A bunch of shoes I never wear
5. My pretty outfit I bought for Easter this year. I think the skirt is too big now!

5 things in my purse:
1. Palm Pilot
2. Cell phone
3. Gum, my new addiction
4. Wallet
5. Random change

5 things in my car:
1. Too many toys and books
2. A dried up piece of bagel I keep forgetting to throw out!
3. A double stroller
4. Pool floaties

Some things you learn the hard way

I bought this great bike and I ride it, but I don't really know anything much about bikes really. So Chuck likes to take out my bike, which must be pretty funny to see since it is a pretty purple color and a women's edition. Keep in mind, it is fit for me. I am 5'2 and he is 6'. Anyway, he takes out my bike and comes back with a flat. Great. The next day, my pressure gauge arrived in the mail. The pressure on my tires should be 115. It was 50! Then, while reading in the owner's manual about tire pressure, Chuck learns that a putting more weight on a bike with low tire pressure will cause the tires to pinch the tube, effectively cutting it. Oila, flat tire! I finally got new tubes today, so hopefully I will back on the road tomorrow!

Remind me again why I wanted kids?

I am so over my kids today. All day long, contrary attitudes, fighting, crying, general brattiness. I had to go into my room and close the door to keep myself from totally losing it. Lucky for my hips, there is no chocolate in the house. Don't get me wrong, some days are great. Everyone is happy, sharing, obedient, careful with snacks, nice to mommy and others. Other days, like today, they are the exact opposite. Before anyone without children judges me too harshly, I challenge you to spend a day with 2 kids who woke up on the wrong side of their crib or bed, refuse all food you offer, yet still cry they are hungry, refuse to do anything you ask despite threats to give all toys away to children who would really want them, and are grabbing at each other as viciously as possible as often as you blink. Maybe you wouldn't mind so much if they were someone else's kids, but when they are yours, you will also be prepared to jump off a cliff.

On my message board, there is often a debate (which I never see in real life) about who has it harder, stay at home moms or work out of the home moms. I really believe everyone's life is relative to them. The grass is always greener on the other side. That being said, staying at home with my kids is not rocket science. It is not hard to play with them, or to make lunch and snacks. What I find hard is more mental. The lack of adult interaction. The inability to take a "lunch break" to run to the mall for some shoes. There is no yearly review. I will have no idea what kind of job I am doing until my oldest goes to school. Then I will not know how my corrected parenting is working until they become adults. That is a lot of uncertainty and wondering if what I am doing is working or worthwhile. For someone who always defined herself by her job, title, and paycheck, thinking it's a great day b/c we managed to get through the day with no potty accidents is a little disheartening.

Well, the oven is ready for dinner to go in, and my kids are clamouring for my attention. Who do they think I am anyway?

Adventures of a Fat Girl on a bike

So some know I am training for a triathlon in September. As the date is starting to loom near, I am freaking out. Last week I freaked out in the form of not doing a damn thing about it. Smart approach, right? Ha!

Last Sunday I went out for a bike ride (this would be the day after my 5k). I went out around 10:30AM. Not smart. Everyone was out getting coffee and bagels and newspapers or coming and going from churches. Every car in South Plainfield was on the road. Several cars came so close I could have reached out and stuck my hand in their window. Then as I am crossing an intersection, following the rules of the road I might add, some jackass in a huge pickup speeds up as I am entering the intersection, swerves to my left and then turns right right in front of me! He missed me by a few inches. A pedestrian on the corner yelled out as it happened, so I know I wasn't imagining the whole thing.

Anyway, this past Saturday I had my WW meeting and was down a disappointing .2. Blech. Had my spa day, which was fabulous, and when I got home, Chuck was loading my bike onto the car so we could head up to the Great Swamp. He ran with the girls in the jogging stroller and I biked.

I started out strong, feeling pretty good depsite wearing shorts that I sure allowed a nice view of my polka dotted Vickie's. It was flat, no stops, and drivers were being careful. I was going pretty fast. I thought. Then I was passed. And then I was passed again. And again. And yes, again. Oh well. All those guys had huge legs and were obviously more experienced b/c they were all wearing those dandy matching bike shorts and shirts of yellow and red, blue and orange, green and purple. All of the sudden there is this HUGE hill in front of me. All the dudes went right, so I did too, and I lost them. All in all, I did pretty well. There was one steady upgrade that I swear I could have walked faster than I was riding, but I kept pedaling and made it to the top. We clocked the distance when we both made it back to the car. 14 miles! WOW! I realize that is a short ride for the more experienced riders, but for me, that is a milestone.

Despite my fire being relit for training over the weekend, I ate like a pig on Mother's Day. Chuck made brunch and it was deeeeeeee-licious! For dinner we took out Applebee's. I could have stuck to my WW salad, but no, I had to sample the appetizers Chuck got for him and the girls. I was sad, but not surprised to see the scale up 2 from Saturday. I know, most of it is post sugar bloat and not real weight, but now I have to work doubly hard to get rid of that and then some for Saturday. Karen is having a Pampered Chef party on friday night, right before weigh in. I am seriously thinking of going to a meeting on Friday instead. Either that, or totally skipping the party.

This is getting long. Longer than I had intended. My stupid slow internet better load this up b/c I don't want to type it all out again if it dumps out on me.

Stole this from Winona

Age - 32
Booze - I have no idea when the last time was I had a drink, not worth the points! I'd rather have chocolate!
Career - On hold
Dad's name - Al (if my mom saw this she would immediately check M to see if it said Mom's name - Gotta be fair! Lucky for me, and her, it does, LOL!)
Essential Item to Bring to a Party - Cookies. Oh, and I guess my kids.
Favorite Song(s)/Music - Wooden Ships by CSN&Y
Goof Off Thing To Do - I am addicted to a message board
Hometown - Plainfield, New Jersey
Instrument You Play: Violin and piano
Jam or Jelly You Like: Grape or raspberry
Kids - Alyson, 3 Lindsay 1
Living Arrangement - An apartment in the hood
Mom's Name - Beth
Name of Best Friend - I have taken people from every stage of my life, they can't get away! And I love them all - Karen, Anne Mar, Winona, Eileen, Jen, Denise and Holly.
Overnight Hospital Stays - Just when I birthed my bebes.
Phobias - Heights. I hate them. I can't even go on the climbing things with my kids at the park without feeling like I am going to hurl.
Quote You Like - "In the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make" Beatles
Relationship That Lasted the Longest - Chuck
Siblings - Annie, Caity, and Sherry. Oh and my stepbrother TJ, but I don't really count him.
True love, ever had? - Yes
Unique Trait - Honestly, I don't know! Maybe that I am a multi tasking queen.
Vegetable You Love - Baby carrots. I am slightly addicted
Worst Trait - I am a control freak
X-rays you've had - I think on my back when I was in high school. MRI on my knee.
Yummy Food You Make - Chocolate chunk cookies
Zodiac Sign - Aquarius

My first 5k!

I did it! I ran my very first 5k on May 6th! It was not the Chariots of Fire experience I had envisioned in my head, but I ran the whole time and wasn't last, so that is good enough for me.

I went to my Weight Watchers meeting first thing and was only down .2, so I was already in a frustrated mood. We get to the race, sign in, and wait. And wait. And wait. They finally call us to the start line. At this point, my innards are roiling and I am ready to heave into a bush. On your mark, get set, go! I start running, as does everyone else. And everyone else passes me! People pushing strollers, a guy in his 70's, people bigger than I am, all running faster. I think to myself, it's ok, I have really short legs, those fat people are taller, so of course they are going to go farther with every step! At half a mile I am thinking, what the hell am I doing here? I am LAST! This is totally demoralizing! But I keep going b/c I think of my babies, and that I don't want them to think of their mom as a quitter or a loser. Ok, so they are 3 and 1 and wouldn't know the difference, but thinking that kept me moving. At 1 mile I am thinking, what am I nuts? I am going to attempt a triathlon and I want to stop at 1 mile of running?! At 2 miles we turned a corner and all of the sudden I could see that I was not last! There were people behind me! Ok, so it was a Star Jones look alike - pre-diet- and a couple of senior citizens, but I wasn't last! WOO-HOO!!!! I powered up a hill and BAM passed someone! Powered down the hill and passed someone else!

At this point, I am thinking, ok, I can do this. I wasn't tired really, I wasn't sucking wind, so why was I so frustrated? I don't know. I have terrible doubts in myself about my ability to do just about anything. I can't think of a time when I didn't have a negative dialog going with myself about myself. Anyway, I kept going, and there was Chuck about a half mile from the end, already done and telling me to keep going. Another 1/4 mile and there was Alyson yelling "GO MOMMY! RUN MOMMY RUN!". I kept running. Then the last push to the end I sprinted like my life depended on it. My time was 32:30. Not too shabby for a first timer I think, and at least I know now how much more I need to improve before September.

I topped off the weekend on Sunday with a 7 mile bike. Today my legs are cursing me out, so I only did my Core Strength class this AM. My legs better be ready b/c we are running tomorrow!